Let's Talk about that "Inner Child" Causing You Trouble....

You've probably heard of her (or him!) and maybe even thought it sounded a little "whoo-whoo!"

You wouldn't be alone in that, many people have or used to have, the same perception. Hang in there with me for a minute though, and you'll see, where we are headed is not at all hokey. In fact, it might save your sanity.

See, when you were little, hard things happened. This stuff happens to us all, but that is irrelevant outside of making you normal. The fact that "other people's was worse" also doesn't matter here. What happened to you, happened, and it matters. The end. It hurt, it scared you, THE END!

Psychologically (I promise, we won't go too deep, ha-ha!) your fight-flight-or-freeze response was triggered, and you didn't know what to do. The event made little (or no!) sense to you, and you certainly didn't know how to handle it, so you shut down (freeze) or distracted yourself (flight) If you were particularly courageous, you fought back, but that doesn't mean you were successful, or that the situation resolved. So, it becomes a memory (or blocked memory if you believe in those, which I do). It's still running, but you may not be aware.

Now, there's this little person (you at the age of the event) still saying, "HEY! What just happened, and what are YOU gunna do about it, Big Me!" This younger you is demanding answers. BUT you can't understand the questions, because you are busy doing grown-up things and feeling like "Childhood was pretty good, and I've dealt with my stuff."

That might be true for YOU, but have you dealt with HER stuff? You know the childhood indignation, hurt feelings, upset, worry it might happen again, and for sure the "NO FAIR!" that you act out, as an adult, with the rest of us.

We all do it. Do you ever feel like...

  • sticking out your tongue or flipping off another adult in traffic, at work, or at home?

  • arguing about how it's not your fault or responsibility?

  • blaming someone else, when you know, deep down, maybe, perhaps, you had just a teeny, tiny part in the argument/event/conversation?

  • screaming back at your teenager?

  • saying things like "Man, when I was your age, I NEVER woulda...." (because let's be honest, if we didn't think we’d get in trouble, we totally woulda...)

If you don’t, EVER, then maybe you really have dealt with all the stuff ever. Way to go, you!!! There's a business for that, haha!

But if you do, EVER, welcome to adulthood with a naughty inner child!
Now, go and do as “Anne” has decided to do. “If I treat myself the way I needed to be loved as a little girl, then I think to myself, ‘I really can do this.’” (breakthrough from client, shared with permission and changed name!)

Love that inner child, validate, witness, and heal right along with her!

Unless you enjoy your road rage, then, carry on!!
(Just please, not around me… 😉)

Lacy BentleyComment